Loving this old black magic called love...

 

One of the most romantic films I have seen to this date is "City of Angels" and one of the film's key scenes is when the one and only Nicolas Cage, playing the character of Seth, sings the song "Loving this black magic called love". "City of Angels" takes us on a journey through the complex dance of love, sacrifice, and the very essence of being human. Imagine considering the idea of trading immortality for the wild adventure of the human experience – with all its highs, lows, and occasional heartaches. And yet, this is the very definition of love as we have always imagined it.

The film, in this sense, dips its toes into the philosophical pool, exploring themes such as free will, the power of choice, and the repercussions of pursuing the heart's desires. It's like a delightful blend of love, nostalgia, and a touch of celestial drama – all wrapped up in a cinematic bow that left me grinning from ear to ear.

Alright, let's brighten up this conversation about love! I’ve been on a mad quest to understand this "black magic" called love for a very, very long time. I first decided to dive headfirst into the World Wide Web to discover the ultimate definition of this mysterious thing called "love." And it turns out, love is like this abstract feeling that a person has for another.

But it's not just about loving another person. No, you can love things like your favorite pair of socks, a noble cause, or even that quirky hobby you're secretly passionate about. Have you ever heard of volunteers who give everything for a cause? It's not just the good old emotion of love; it's a mix of altruism, spiritual vibes, and maybe a pinch of politics. We can love material objects, our pets, or even a karaoke session if that's your cup of tea. It's about diving into the mix, forming bonds, and identifying with whatever floats on your cruise for love's quest. So, love isn't just a romantic comedy; it's a circus of emotions and connections that will keep you on the edge of your seat!

In short, this word barely scratches the surface. Love, whether it's the affection shared with our parents, with our children or friends, the passion between lovers, or the divine love that emanates from deep within us, is an essential facet of our human existence.

In the wild whirlwind of life, we are all caught up in the daily hustle – whether it's succeeding in our studies, landing our dream job, dancing to society's rhythm, or ensuring our wallets aren't on a diet. It's like we are all part of this complex clockwork, ticking off the checklist for survival: food, shelter, clothing, etc., etc.! But amid this epic machinery of life, we all end up adoring the star of the show: the magical act of loving. It's like shouting to the world: "Hey everyone, we have emotions!"

Finding love is like seeing our own story unfold through someone else's eyes, this undeniable truth that gives our soul a warm high-five. Love, my friends, is the secret sauce that turns our existence into a blockbuster amidst the chaos of daily life.

However, in our quest to ride the emotional roller coaster, we find ourselves on a crazy adventure full of twists and turns. As we strive to be these beings endowed with emotions, we stumble upon a difficult path, like a labyrinth of broken dreams and heartaches. It's as if we're playing hopscotch with time, trying to avoid disappointment and fill that emotional void. Along the way, we end up making compromises that seem like small assaults on our very essence.

And many times, the person we dream of, the one we imagine fulfilling us with endless love – is not the dream life partner or the ultimate best friend. No, they barely manage to produce the comforting vibes we dream of, leaving us stuck in this vast space between our fairy-tale love fantasies and the harsh reality we're stuck in. It's certain!! – reality is a romantic comedy gone wrong, where every attempt to soothe our loneliness just adds another layer to the cake of disappointment we're baking. So here we are, tangled in a web of perpetual highs and lows, trying to navigate the maze of love and life.

But have you ever wondered why our perception of what love should be sometimes does the cha-cha with reality? Well, blame those romantic movies, fairy-tale cartoons, and sappy romance novels like "City of Angels"! It's the very type of film that got us stuck in this relentless habit of concocting in our heads a fairy-tale version of love – sprinkled with desires, fantasies, and a dash of unfulfilled emotional cravings. It's like we sipped from the cup of fantasy and ended up with a false reality of what love is.

In our quest for love, we might have put on rose-colored glasses and missed the essential – the real version of love with its quirks, obstacles, and limits. It's almost as if we created this magical illusion where everyone around us should be emotional superheroes capable of fulfilling all the desires of our hearts. But hey, let's remember reality: love has its own set of winding paths.

This desire for emotional anchoring that we all feel can also come from a deeper need rooted within ourselves. It can stem from unresolved emotional wounds or a desire for validation, acceptance, or connection that hasn't been met in other areas of our lives. In our emotional quest, we tend to turn into emotional treasure hunters, placing a rather heavy burden on the person we aspire to as the "Prince Charming" or "Sleeping Beauty"! So we imagine them as the superheroes who step in to fix our inner voids and bring us love and understanding 24/7. It turns out, this game of expectations places an unfair burden on these poor souls and, surprise, surprise, it may not be the most solid or healthy foundation for a relationship.

It's perhaps time for a little disco introspection: it's the ultimate dance move to shake things up. Before diving into the sea of relationships, it's like we're on a quest for the hidden treasures of our emotional pirate ship. Yes, recognizing these unresolved emotional knots is the first step to becoming the captain of our own ship! Much like therapy, self-care rituals, and some fancy coping mechanisms: it's the ultimate self-love party. 

Taking charge of our emotional well-being is like putting on a superhero cape. It transforms us into emotional wizards, ready to approach relationships with a touch of wholeness and a pinch of independence. So, here's the golden rule: before looking for someone else to fill our emotional voids, let's fill our own cup with a good dose of self-love magic!

Indeed, the greatest love story of all time starts with: HOW TO BEGIN loving yourself before anything else!

By taking a closer look at our emotional roller coasters, our past adventures, and our own quirky behaviors, we become the Sherlock Holmes of our own emotions. Self-awareness helps us uncover our needs, spot our emotional triggers, and find those strange vulnerabilities we didn't know existed. And guess what? Armed with this self-knowledge, it's like having a love decoder that can translates into healthier and more authentic connections if we of course, meet someone on the same wavelength.

It's true that when we are young, we are essentially emotional explorers navigating the wild terrains of life without a GPS! In our youthful escapades, understanding ourselves is like deciphering a treasure map written in invisible ink. Back then, we didn't have the capacity to dive deep into our emotions, our past odyssey as a child or a teenager or unscramble the patterns of our behaviors. It's like playing a game but without the cheat code to advance! Thus, identifying our needs, spotting those sneaky triggers, and discovering our vulnerabilities can feel like trying to solve a puzzle in the dark. Communicating our desires and boundaries to our partners was like sending messages with a psychic connection we hadn't yet mastered. Why? Because the manual for understanding ourselves was still a work in progress.

Yes indeed, when we are young, our identity is like a puzzle missing quite a few pieces! At the time, our choices were a mix of external influences, societal trends, movies, and novels, and fleeting crushes. Hello to partnering with people who might be on a completely different wavelength than ours! Without a roadmap to our own value, communicating our needs would become a game of charades. Imagine trying to speak a language you don't yet master! The result? A festival of misunderstandings and unmet expectations. Add a pinch of inexperience in conflict management, emotional bonds, and compromise, and you get the recipe for the emotional whirlwinds of early relationships.

The heartbreak Olympics and obstacle courses are like crash courses in the curriculum of life! These turmoils are actually the secret sauce to unlocking the mysteries of self-discovery and growth. It's like taking a class in Relationship 101, where every obstacle on the road teaches us our preferences, deal-breakers, and what we truly seek in a partner. Fast forward to the future, and voilà! We emerge as magicians, armed with the necessary wisdom and with some luck be able to find a partner who share our values, principles, ideals, and life expectations.

That's why unresolved emotional wounds from the past can become like sticky ghosts trying to crash the party of our future relationships. By grabbing our healing wands and actively tackling these emotional villains, we free ourselves from their grip. Now, with our emotional capes fluttering in the breeze, we can form relationships with the grace of a seasoned dancer. Say goodbye to the drama of projecting past pain onto our partners. Instead, we strive to create a warm and loving atmosphere where everyone can be their best selves.

Engaging in introspection and healing, fosters the transition from a dynamic of codependency to healthy emotional independence, which is the essence of ideal couple functioning. Imagine being stuck in an emotional game of cat and mouse, where you're too clingy to someone, and not in a fun way. We're talking about emotional and material clinging that disrupts the balance of power and stifles personal growth like a shoe that's too small.

Codependency is like a not-so-fabulous dance where one person leans on their partner for validation, and individual identities start playing hide and seek. The codependent star of the show might find themselves in an emotional maze, losing sight of their own feelings, dreams, and even their fabulous self because they're on this endless quest for a gold star from their partner.

Now, let's flip the pancake and see the other side! Imagine being the go-to person who is depended on – it's like having a backpack filled with emotional rocks. To escape these emotional roller coasters, both players need to invest in emotional independence, self-awareness, and a heap of healthy coping tricks.

Material codependency can also erode the foundations of an authentic and fulfilling connection. To keep codependency away from materialism, we need a dose of independence, self-sufficiency, and a pinch of healthy self-esteem right from the start of the relationship. We can then flip the script to build a relationship based on mutual respect, equality, and generous emotional support.

As we strengthen our self-awareness and add a pinch of emotional healing to the mix, we invest in our inner transformation and create a symphony of authenticity in a world that has sent us a false version of what truly love is.

Sonia Tylamma